Celebrate The Miracle!
There are many things we celebrate in our lifetime. One of the most important celebrations in my heart that I hold close is my clean date. There were years I was hesitate and did not want to make a big fuss but this is very important not only to the addict celebrating but the newcomer that feels hopeless. Our families feel good watching us celebrate knowing we are living different today. There is merit to the fact that regardless of the challenges to get & stay clean, that person did not pick up no matter what!
I remember like it was yesterday having the idea in my mind that I could and would never be able to stop the lifestyle of an addict. How could I not live this way and even more I know I am too weak to stop? Self esteem and self worth were no words of importance to me. Showing up at a job was optional and being there for others was out of the question unless I had been under the influence. There was a frequent prayer I would say to God at night asking him NOT to wake me up in the morning because I can’t do this one more day. This was followed by the angry prayer in the morning that I was still alive. Looking back I know I was alive but definitely not living. Until the one day the prayer altered some, “God I need your help because I can’t do this anymore.” That was the first moment of surrender for me and an inkling of willingness to try something new.
Today marks 8 years clean and sober for me and it still overwhelms me how strong I truly am. I am not the weak person I once convinced myself I was. The tears that come to my eyes when realizing how much I have endured along this journey but I’m here stay sober on a daily basis. Every year on this day, I am reminded how blessed I am to have this amazing life of recovery. This day continues to also be a reflection of the intense pain I no longer feel and the pain I no longer intentionally cause loved ones. It’s a joy to know I no longer do that and am a woman of recovery! Therefore, today I will celebrate the gratitude I have for this miracle.